Hetalia Randomness
by Ryu Nitram Captor
Summary: Get Ready for a roller coaster ride of feels, WTF moment and absolute randomness. Just an RP based off a group chat on Facebook :D This is written in Chinas point of view so if you have questions for/about him then don't ask me I will handle any questions about Scotland or America. We do not own Hetalia or it would be alot diffrent.
1. Chapter 1

This story is based on an ongoing RP in a facebook chat group with multiple people…And there will be OCness, random crap, and smut later on…Mostly between England and America… ANYWHO! This is a cracktastic story that will have you crying from laughter and sadness. It will make you go WTF as well as facepalm. You will think you have just taken drugs, and no we did not take anything either. This will also get even more random and wtf as you go along. I know I sure as hell was XD

Also…Prepare for OCness as well lol. This is the first time I have RPed as well as the fact I am only on episode 30 of the first season. So…yeah…And then some XD

This will pretty much be based on what goes on in the RP, including sometimes the authors notes…But I won't say any names. Just keep it as the characters lol. And since we don't have all of the characters and some of them went MIA later on or something soo….If Austria randomly appears for the beginning but then disappears…lets say he got kidnapped by Switzerland for sexy fun times, kk? Annnyyywhooo….

I wish you so much luck when reading this…Stay well on thy path and you will find yourself in a cracktastic place my friend.

This wonderful story begins at someone's house in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of childi…er…mature nations were trying to get everyone together. Unfortunately they were missing about half the world…How you can't find a certain nation, don't ask me. I'm just the narrator for this horrib…wonderful story.

"What are we doing? Where is this? Where is everyone?" were the questions three people were asking…Canada, Scotland, and China. Well, mostly Scotland and China because Canada was the one calling people up and telling them to hurry their butts up over to the meeting. But I digress…

"Scotland, can you call the others? I don't have their number." So far Spain, England, Romano, Iceland, America, and Norway were called.

"Should I jus' leave a message if they don' pick up the phone?" Scotland wondered but started calling people before Canada answered.

"Yes, yes you should."

"Holy crap, er *coughs* Aiyah! That's a lot of people aru! So we will use this house for the meetings from now on aru?" that was China if you couldn't tell from the aru's…

"I guess so…" Scotland shrugged and threw his phone to the side before sitting on a couch and kicking his feet up despite the glare that China threw at him for his impoliteness. Canada rolled his eyes at China before replying.

"That's because it's a large world meeting."

"This will be interesting aru…" Canada smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, it shall…I will go call Germany and get he…him on." Obviously the other two ignored the slip-up and went about to fiddling around with stuff. Scotland pulled whiskey out of nowhere and started downing it, much to China's distaste. Because China is a wimp when it comes to alcohol…Anyway, so the only Asian so far decided to drink tea and relax before everyone else got on.

Next thing the two know is that Germany and Canada both enter the room with Canada sharing a video from YouTube on the big screen. Which will DEFINITELY be misused later on throughout their time here. So much abuse of the YouTube…

Wait a minute…But China restricts YouTube…Well anyway! Let's ignore the technicalities for now. China loves YouTube.

"Enjoy the videos my lovelies and bonjour, Germany." Canada said while smirking as the other two watched the video. Which was a Hungary-produced video of Germany and Italy…Yeah, you know what that means. Don't you. You do, I see the blush!

*coughs* Anyway…Canada continued speaking. Something about speaking French cause he's Canada.

"Hello." Was all that Germany stated before China started blushing at the video behind Germany and hiding his face. Of course Scotland didn't give a crap. Why? He's Scotland of course! Canada just laughed at China while poor Germany was confused because he didn't see the video.

Suddenly, a wild Austria appears! Who seems to have heard Canada! ((wait, who?))

"Only if you're in Quebec. You have two national languages though, so you can either speak French and English, or just pick one." Everyone blinked at the random Austria and his random words Canada spoke…er…yelled.

"GOD DAMMIT, I'M THE GOD DAMN COUNTRY OF CANADA! I CAN SPEAK WHATEVER LANGUAGE I WANT!" then he made this face .

And look! A wild Spain/Bat-kitty appears!

"Hallo~" Spain waved at everyone cheerfully like the cheerful son of a bitch he is. He's just that amazing (can't say awesome because that's Prussia dudes)…

"Hey…I can't call Iceland for some reason…" Scotland stared at his phone, all confuzzled and stuff.

Austria, still talking about Canadia's language, "You can switch back and forth. That would be interesting."

Canada, being a blond and forgetting who everyone was told them all to state their country. Spain, who was insulted promptly crossed his arms and said NO.

"Scotland…"

"I'm Canada…"

"Austria."

"I'm China aru." Insert smiling face HERE.

"Germany."

"I AM SPAIN AND NORWAY!" to which caused everyone to give Spain a wtf face before he chuckled sheepishly. "We combined bodies…I'm Spain right now but we switch off and on."

"Ooohhhh…" No one wanted to know how or WHY they combined bodies so they left it at that.

Canada shook his head away from the weirdness and thanked everyone. Then the countries that were there either mingled, drank, or messed something up before China spoke up.

"Russia's not here, is he aru?"

"NO!" Canada, surprisingly, was all mad face about this. Then he started talking about homework and being a ginger and being a girl…Wait…IGNORE THAT!

Anyway, for a while it was simple talk. Like about Russia and Canada getting threatened by Germany, gingers running, and more threatening, siblings, hey, Canada's back on! Oh, he just got threatened by Germany again.

Holy crap! Spain/Norway just turned into a kitty….Bat-Kitty!

"MEW!" because no one is paying attention to the cat. China gasped, finally seeing the kitty.

"KITTY ARU!" Of course afterwards now everyone sees the kitty. Scotland pets him, making the kitty purr with delight. Being bolder and drunker, he picks up the kitty and hugs him, which the kitty did not like at all. He hissed, and of course Scotland being the awesome bastard he is, laughs. Unfortunately, he dropped the kitty in order to find England so he can rap…er….pester him like all big brothers do… ^_^ ''''

So, thinking China would show him more pity, he walked over to the Asian who adores all things cute and meowed…

"AWWWWW! SO ADORABLE ARU!" Austria leaves at this time for a booty call. Probably Prussia or Switzerland. Anyway, he kitty winces and meows at China's loud voice, however he still curls up by the Asian country's feet. Then several other people suddenly have to leave due to it being New Year's eve and they needed to go to parties. Like Scotland did.

"Ok, I'm going to need to get going. I have a party to get to. Bye bad kitty." Scotland waved good bye and walked out of the door as everyone said bye.

"Ok, zai jian! And he is not a bad kitty aru!" China pouted as Bat-kitty curled up by a heater vent in order to get warm. ((….China will regret those words later on….He really will.))

China decided to start paying attention to the mini video player he brought and was laughing at whatever he was watching. Then, decided to explain about what he was watching even though no one probably gave a flying fuck he told everyone, "I am watching World's Dumbest Partier's right now aru! I can't stop laughing!" Yeah…good for you Yaoi…I mean, Yao…Good for you.

"I'm watching the Big Bang Theory." Ok, everyone give Germany a high five, right now. Right now…Are you doing it? You better be.

Anyway, so Iceland walks in suddenly and he hears the random talking and shiz so he's really confused on what's happening. (Translation: He was forced here)

"Wait what?" noticing Iceland, Bat-Kitty comes up and meows before curling by Iceland's feet. The said country looked down. "The fuq do you want?" he only got meowed at in reply.

"Oh! I love that show aru!" China had just now replied to Germany…The fuck?

"…" apparently Iceland was thinking the same thing.

"It is very good." Germany nodded before going back to his show. Then there was a few minutes of silence. For the people NOT watching videos, it was very awkward indeed.

"Soooo…" Iceland shifted, trying to break the ice.

"Oh, Ni hao Iceland!" …did China seriously JUST notice him? Seriously? WTF, he isn't Canadia…Camada? Uh….that one dude! You know the one, I think…Anyway, seriously China?

Because he felt insulted Iceland decided to give everyone cookies that looked like poop. No one tried them. It looked too much like poop to eat. Insert more awkward silence while Iceland snickered at the reactions.

"….Ok, I give up. I don't know how to reply to that aru." Insert Iceland giving out MORE poop cookies, before bowing.

"That's all." He backed away, letting the awkwardness continue.

"I don't understand what's going on…" Hey, how did France get in here? Did he walk through the door? Anyway, that was him speaking.

"Yeah. Most of us don't." Germany looked up from his video player to reply to France,

"It's just a normal meeting like any others…" China looked around before grinning sheepishly. "Kinda, aru…" Iceland passed out more poop cookies. "….uh…." Poor China…He's so confused…

"There need to be more fighting if this is a normal meeting! And England…I need to argue with England!" France replied with a huffy tone. Damn…he's even kinkier than I thought. Angry make-up sex anyone?

"Well, 2P England pops in from time to time…But that was before this meeting started aru…"

"..." Iceland just stares at everyone.

"and a few other people aren't here as well." Germany sighed.

"..." Why is Iceland being silent and staring at everyone? It's creepy!

"who's all here? I just got here and it's a little confusing with all of the randomness going on about." France sidestepped the poop cookies.

"Just...just everyone being random as they can aru…" China said before going back to a different TV show.

"IT'S RAPING TIME." Iceland shouted all of a suddenly and hey, there goes China…

"AIYAH! No way, aru!" he screamed and ran off. If only Russia was there to prote…Uh…Scare Iceland off.

"Nein. You're not allowed to rape me." Germany stood firm and glared as he crossed his arms. Woah, watch out we have a badass over here!

"SHADDUP AND SLEEP WITH ME." Iceland must have been drunk…I blame Denmark.

"Nein." Oh, rejected once again by Germany!

"It's a night for partying and drinking! What happens after that is... questionable…" France smirked at some of the people while drinking his wine.

"Never, aru!" China glared at Iceland, ready to defend himself if need be. Or hit him with a hello kitty doll…Whichever comes to mind first…

Ok, time for it to end here…we don't really ever have endings…well when we say good night or whatever the crap we say. Like me, as China, will say Wan an, and France, as France will say bonne nuit…Ok, I think that's how its spelled lol XD

Anyway…its mild right now, because this…*grins evilly and fades into shadows* Is only the beginning my wonderful friends…ACK RUSSIA DON'T TOUCH ME THERE ARU!


	2. Chapter 2

**Heeyyy and we are back! So soon? YES because I have to catch this bitch up ^_^ And trust me, it's very long…Excuse me while I go try to get my mind out of the gutter… *face plants a wall several times* **

**Continuing from the last chapter! Wait…Should I put a recap? Maybe I should…Ok, here's a recap, though it's not much!**

:RECAP: Last time on TERDOH…Wow…I just realized what that spells…*continues face sleeving* ::  
"It's raping time!"  
"Nein!"  
"In order for this to be a normal meeting we need more fighting…and England."  
"Aiyah!"  
Scotland drinks whiskey! And Canada was seen!  
:END: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Just watch what you drink and there shouldn't be many problems. It's a night of fun and being together with friends, family and lovers." Holy crap…France is being wise! And non-perverted! It's a miracle!

"Agreed with France, aru. But saying never to Iceland…" The Chinese nation glared at the younger nation who was still staring at them.

"Just find someone to watch you if you get too drunk and you'll be fine. Then you don't have to worry about Iceland." China scowled and stuck his tongue out at the thought of getting drunk though.

"It's still gonna be crazy and perverted with the family, aru." Duh China. For one you have South Korea grabbing your man-boobs, second you are getting all the Asian countries together and that does not spell well.

"sounds like my family..." Once again Germany, two words. Beer. Prussia.

"Sounds like my family too." Do we have to repeat this with everyone? France, you deal with America, Britain, and Australia, among a few others. I think we all know they are crazy and perverted.

"Ok, it's time for me to go." Translation: Germany is bored and wants to get away from all the other losers.

"See you Germany!" France was waving goodbye in that fashion that made all men wonder how France was even described as a man…

"Bye Germany! Happy New years! 新年快乐(xīn nián kuài lè) In other words: Happy New Years!" …Way to go China. Way to bombard us with friggin Chinese and get everyone confused. Way. To. Go.

"Bonne année. It's happy new year in french." STOP SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGES!

"OK, I have to drive my brother to a Wal-Mart aru." I guess China was beign really pestered by one of his brother's through phone since he scowled at the text. "Ok, he's being really impatient. I have to go aru." He had to run out the door because you could hear another voice through the phone telling him to hurry up.

TIME SKIP A FEW OR SO HOURS…Fuck I don't know how long…

China returns after a long ass trip to Wal-Mart.

"I am back aru! I would have been sooner but we started a game of UNO Shots!" Wait, China…I thought you hated drinking? What ze hell? France started laughing at this, for some reason. Must be a new plan of his. A few more hours passed of constant chatter and finally, it became New Years. Well, for China. Wait…I CALL FOUL! The Chinese New Year doesn't start until the 9th of this month! Wtf China?

"Happy New Year everyone! May your year be filled with happiness, luck, and fortune!" No China! You're not allowed! Not until later this month!

"NO." Spain/Norway glared before laughing. What ze hell…Is he drunk?

"What? No happiness, luck, or misfortune aru?" China does not look happy, in fact he looks appaled. "Or happy news years?"

"I still have half an hour before new year. But happy new year anyways. I wish you luck, happiness, and the ability to avoid misfortune." France raised his glass and the others followed suit.

"Cause I'm alone hahaha!" Spain raised his glass while laughing, which caused the others in the room to feel slightly depressed.

"You're not alone. You have us!" Of course this was France, and of course he put his arm around Spain. But not in a perverted manner, but in a friendly manner.

"AHSSHHDFKKAKhdbwhiwkqnzbxkai sheh." Spain is drunk, definitely drunk.

"What France said! You are not alone when you have us aru!" China nodded and patted Spain on the back for support. "And you still have half an hour? Oh wow that's a mind twister...Actually...never mind considering the fact it's BEEN 2013 overseas for a while…" YOU'RE CHINA DAMMIT! YOU ARE OVERSEAS!

So then the four of them decided to go to Gotham, where Spain revealed he was Batman and China and France fought over who could borrow the Bat Cave. Then France needed to borrow Joker for some reason he did not explain and pulled Oliver from the other dimension in which he was at. Then Spain pulled a chicken from nowhere and noms on it. France then returned with a plate of beautiful, gorgeous, cookies that smelled absolutely divine like grandma's kitchen after she baked fresh chocolate chip cookies.

"Would you like a 'killer' cookie?" France asked with a smile. China disappeared a long time ago in Gotham somewhere…Umm…OMFG FRANCE KILLED CHINA! DON'T EAT THE COOKIES! DON'T EAT THE COOKIES!

"No. I hate cookies." Way to show support for non-cannibalism sweets Spain!

"How about a 'killer' cup cake? England brought those as well!" NO! DON'T EAT THOSE EITHER!

"England's food is HORRIBLE." Spain made a face at the thought of even going near England's food.

"it's the 2p england's cup cakes." France deadpanned as he held up the plate of sweets. THAT CHINA WAS BAKED INTO!

"STILL ENGLAND." He made a face and grabbed a churro out of nowhere and started eating on it.

"How about a 'killer' cake?" France, you're reeeaally trying to either A) Knock Spain out, B) Kill Spain, or C) TRYING TO GET HIM TO EAT CHINA!

"Any churros?" Spain gave a grin from ear to ear, and the question caused France to pause.

"I'll look around the kitchen!" The Frenchman went into the kitchen to look for Spain's wanted churros. Spain saw a random and wild 2P England and decided to poke him. Why? I don't know maybe Spain wants to end up like China and be TURNED INTO FOOD!

"Hey, he's not interested in you bothering him." France poked his head out of the kitchen door only to see Spain and him poking Ollie.

"Fine." Spain pouted a little before grinning and turning into Bat-kitty. "I'm hungry for crimeeeeeee!" Please don't ask if he's hungry to MAKE crime, or FIGHT crime. I'm not sure either…BUT HE'S HUNGRY FOR IT DAMMIT.

"Can I have a cupcake? They are so adorable!" OMG CHINA YOU ARE ALIIVEEE! Then another voice appeared something about how it's NOT China talking. Cue freaking out. Anyway, China was given a cupcake by Ollie, so yep….He's screwed.

"Oh and happy New Years from my time zone!" France gave a cheerful smile and did that little twirl he does.

"Thank you aru!" China munched on the cupcake happily.

"Meow. No. Meow. Crime!" Bat-Kitty meowed pawing at people trying to get their attention. Suddenly…A RANDOM RUSSIA COMES IN! So everyone waves/hides/glares at the smiling Russia. Finally SOMEONE noticed Bat-Kitty.

"BATMAN WITH CAT EARS? WHAT MADNESS? ….aru." of course, this was China freaking out while flailing and pointing at the Spain/Norway/Bat-Kitty.

"I'm hungry for crimeeee mew!" Bat-Kitty pawed at the air in such a cute way that China got over his freaked out-ness and melted into a puddle. China…you're gonna regret being deceived….HE WILL *gets tackled to not reveal spoilers*

"No crime for you!" France scolded the kitty, which was a pretty funny sight may I add which made Bat-Kitty depressed slightly.

" (привет... I will destroy you all) I would like some cotton candy." Wait…What did Russia just say? No…Not the destroying part. What was that about cotton candy? France appeared with random cotton candy and handed some to Russia with a smile. However, France cannot go anywhere now because Bat-Kitty plopped himself down on France's feet.

Russia made a face like an overexcited child (and everyone melts into awww over the adorable picture) and asked, "For me?" Another happy face. "I love thee now." Wait what?

"Yup!" France grinned up at the big guy and raised a glass. "Toast to the New Year!"

China was noming on several different sweets at once and raised his glass. "To the New Year!" suddenly Bat-Kitty disappeared. Why? To look for crime of course!

"To the year of new." Of course Russia raised his flask with vodka in it and took a drink while Bat-Kitty reappeared. Oh my damn, this kitty appears and disappears a lot.

"MEW." He's trying to get attention. Why doesn't China give him attention? Wait…WHERE IS EVERYONE? Russia noticed the kitty and grew wide eyes.

"Kitteh!"

"Meww." Ok, now Bat-Kitty is just being adorable! He curled up by Russia's feet. Everyone say aaaww now.

"Did you catch any crime?" France took a sip of his wine as he smiled at Bat-Kitty? Suddenly the Joker appeared and hissed.

"Go away batcat!" then he disappeared. However, not before Bat-Kitty hissed back at the Joker. Russia soothed the kitty by petting him.

"you shall be my companion when I dominate the world." Then he had a really scary face that made everyone, WHICH SEEMED TO BE JUST FRANCE, shiver and cry tears.

…**I PROCRASTINATE I'M SORRY! Oh my Lord this is one long ass RP lol. Ok guys I hope you enjoyed and I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY! It's just SOOOOO long! … Nevermind, forget I said anything…IHOP MOMENT!**


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